MAZE by Gordon Ramsay: What the %!$#%$!&^@$#

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Dear Food Diary:
I’m going to start this post by stating that I don’t usually use foul language (unless it’s totally necessary). I don’t condone it either. With that said, this review is for Maze by Gordon Ramsay. They say when in Rome do as the Romans do, therefore, when at Maze speak as Gordon would. (I’ll try anyways, his potty mouth is on an unreachable level that  would make me blush). This is from Winter Restaurant Week 2010, I know I’m a little behind, but I’m trying to catch up since Restaurant Week just started).

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Nice ambiance, warm and welcoming. Attentive service.
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Bar looked great for an after work hang out or a date. Bla bla bla… in the end, I’m not vain and looks aren’t that important. The food has to speak for itself. But at the end of the meal, my tummy and tastebuds were swearing up and down… What the #$#%$%$# Gordon Ramsay, what the $%$%$%$%^…. see for yourself:

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Cauliflower soup with smoked Idaho trout, horseradish, black pepper toast. Shit! @#@$#%$$ was salt on sale? How did this leave the kitchen? Underneath all that salt, I was attracted by the subtle smokiness of the fish and the creamy yet light texture of the soup, but couldn’t get over all that salt and that after taste. 
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Tortellini of beef short rib with escarole, trompette royale and dashi. Again, is this a scam to get me to order more drinks? Why is everything so #$$#$%$%$ salty? It totally overpowered the tender meat inside and whatever else was on the plate. F#$#%$$% disappointing.

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Carnaroli risotto of butternut squash with mascarpone, sage and walnut pesto. Finally something sans overload of salt. This was decent, but nothing to sing praises about. The walnut pesto was nice, and the overall dish was a little sweet from the squash. 
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Roasted Breast of Duck with sage and onion, sweet potato and five spice jus. I liked how everything was cut into cubes, very cute, yeah yeah… but taste wise, it was aight, nothing I haven’t had before. Maybe I had too much expectation for Ramsay? But how can I not? He’s saving restaurants from closing and yelling at chefs for being dumb #$#$%$$%@!!!! right? Can you blame me? I was waiting to be blown away by the food, something like… oh wow! this is f#$#%$%$ marvelous or some s#$#$%$t like that, but this wasn’t even close.

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Valrhona chocolate fondant with green cardamon caramel, sea salt and almond ice cream. Basically a molten lava cake, with a fancier name, ‘cuz we all know this s##$$#t is so 1980s (apparently chef Jean Georges Vongerichten claims he invented it in ’87). I almost fell asleep when it came, boy Gordon, give me a break! what a snooze. Sure Valrhona dark chocolate is good, but how is this freakin’ uninspirering fondant suppose to represent you? I couldn’t taste much cardamon or almond flavor, a little more would of been nice. 
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Carrot Cake with cream cheese frosting, walnut praline ice cream. To my surprise, this sort of saved the night. The cake was moist and not too sweet, with a smooth creamy cheese frosting like that of a really good cupcake, oozing with butter. Praline pieces gave it a nice contrasting texture and the nutty flavors were delightful. At least one of the endings to our mediocre at best diner was a sweet one.

It might seem harsh, but come on! Give me a f#$#$% break, you can’t be a TV celebrity chef and s#$#$#t… then serve this unimpressive crap at a restaurant that bears your name. I don’t care if your physically there or not, at least make me believe you are in the kitchen somehow. Sure, it wasn’t totally awful or inedible, and this was Restaurant Week, but I couldn’t help but have a higher level of “tastepectations” when it came to him. And just because it’s Restaurant Week doesn’t mean you can give me whatever and call it a day. $35 can be stretched a long way in this tough economy. And plus, it doesn’t matter what day it is, food should deliver regardless. Even if the regular menu isn’t this bad, I don’t give a #$#$%$%$ anymore. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still watch his shows. He’s brilliantly blunt, entertaining and knows how to make good TV, but he needs to get his f#$%#$ s##$#%$ together at his own restaurant before “helping” others if you ask me.

I apologize again for the amount of profanity. I do not speak like this (unless your that crazy woman at work). And Kids, please don’t mimic this kind of vocabulary, stay in school and eat more peanut butter and jelly sandwiches =)
P.S. Chubby’s RATING: 1/2

151 West 54th Street

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